After spending much of 2010 pondering whether it is at all worthwhile coming up with new year’s resolutions only to be overwhelmed by the weight of self-expectation and inevitable failure, I eventually hit upon the only lifestyle guideline that could, I think, actually make a difference. The ‘Golden Rule’ (that is, ‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you’), though of course entirely admirable and ever applicable, would do well to be turned on its head and viewed from another perspective: Treat yourself as you would treat others (that is, others who you love and care for most of all, not those who make you wish medieval torture methods would make a comeback in 2011). This at first sounds selfish and relatively inconsequential compared to the glowing and enduring Golden Rule, but if we think about it…

It’s very easy to treat yourself badly. Staying up until the wee hours (the irony of writing this at 3am has not passed me by – my blogclock is still on Eastern Standard Time), consuming too much too often of substances that would be dangerous used as fertiliser let alone ingested, telling yourself that you’re simply not good enough. But would you ever dream of advising your best friend to act and think the same way? Or, for that matter, would you accord your relatively helpless goldfish such disrespect? I hope for your sake, and that of your nearest and dearest, that the answer is a resounding no. And it follows that if you have enough respect for yourself to lead the life that deep down you wish you led, then you’ll be in a far better position to respect those around you. And thus begins the cycle of true reciprocal respect. The Golden Rule, it seems, is the most selfish of the two; the motivation for being civil to others is to receive top-notch treatment yourself. On the other hand, the Goldfish Rule (as it is hereby named) uses self-respect as a starting point for wider happiness; surely the most genuinely utilitarian of the two. And utilitarianism should be for life, not just for new year’s resolutions. Do unto yourself as you would do unto your beloved goldfish and, who knows, you may not feel the need to source those gallows after all.

As a consequence of my new attempt at self-respect, and with my back turned to a less-than-ideal 2010, I resolve to continue regular blogging activities after three months of sad silence and exactly one year after they began. And on that note I wish you and your goldfish (plus a shout out to my neon tetra Pablo and glofish Calypso) a happy, golden and respectful 2011.